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To the young black man that hit my car last night, Thank you so much for reversing your Audi A4 into the front of my car last night at great speed and subsequently causing enough damage to write it off. Regular readers of my website and listeners to our podcast will no doubt be aware of my great admiration of the true cunts that exist in our society, and I am always truly honoured to meet one face to face. So I just wanted to say thanks for the damage, thanks for the false details, thanks to your arse of a friend that drove off whilst I got your false details, and thank you from legging it away and leaving my girlfriend standing around like a plum whilst I moved my now wrecked vehicle out of further harms way. It was truly an enlightening experience to meet such a couple of cunts as yourselves, and rest assured you shall now be the benchmark against which I measure all idiots, arseholes, morons and fucktards against in future. We must do it again sometime, possibly with my foot on your throat. All the best, P.S I did get your number plate. Let's hope for your sake that my instincts are correct and you don't actually own the car.
So, yes, being the video game freak I sometimes am, there I was picking my pre-order for Grand Theft Auto IV up this morning not long after the shop opened. Yes, that's right, Grand Theft Auto IV. The all singing, all dancing, all shooting, all swearing, violence and carjacking extravaganza is finally with us after an epic wait. And at my local store this morning to get this highly controversial title I see another two staggering examples of parent's simply not giving a hoot. As I get out of my car and head to the shop I see a customer heading towards the door, so I do the polite thing and open the door for them. Out steps a middle aged bloke quickly followed by his little child literally toddling along behind, holding .. yep you've guessed it. Inside the store is a lady at the counter buying the title for her son, informing him in front of the staff that he can't have it until he gets home and then discussing going back to school. The staff are pretty much helpless though, as it's the adult buying the game. Yet I never see these people buying the latest copy of Horny Hooters Magazine or DVDs of titles like Shaving Ryan's Privates for their young-uns ... so why is it different with games? The parent's just never learn. It's these people though that'll be crying, wailing and pointing the fingers of blame at anything but themselves when the kid grows up thinking it's perfectly acceptable to go around stabbing and shooting people. After all, it can't be their fault .... can it? Or maybe I'm just getting old.
There has been a lot of debate recently here in the United Kingdom about violent video games and children. It's a subject that comes up a lot, usually when someone's looking for a scapegoat or a bandwagon to jump on. Fortunately it usually goes away without much debate, but the most recent resurfacing had calls for a new certification system. Apparently because the two we have in place aren't enough. Not only do the BBFC have to review anything that contains violence, sexual conduct or criminal activity, but they then slap a huge logo on it denoting whether it be suitable for 15 or 18 year olds. This logo is usually around twice the size of the otherwise identical ones that currently appear on DVD films and cinema releases. Not only that, but pretty much all of the games I have purchased in recent times also contain a huge PEGI recommendation, this time clearly displaying the age that the game manufacturers themselves have deemed the title suitable for. But it isn't enough. Clearly. It's all wasted effort. Case and point, I have just witnessed something that quite easily sums the situation up completely. Whilst standing in my local rental store, looking at the rows and rows of 360 titles, trying to pick one out in an effort to save myself from yet another Saturday night of complete boredom, I find myself standing next to a child who couldn't be more than about eight years old. This child then picked out Condemned 2, a title I had been looking at mere moments before. A box which clearly displays the usual huge BBFC 18 logo on the front (as can be seen here), as well as having numerous grizzly screenshots of guts and gore on the back cover. I then watched as the child handed it to his father, who merely glanced at the box and said something like, “Is this the one you want?”. To which the child replied, “Yes, it looks great.” The dad takes another look and then mutters something about not playing it all bloody night, and goes and pays for it. It's a scenario I've seen played out many times before. Many a time have I been stood in a queue at a game store, and seen some parent purchasing the latest adult themed title for their yapping little darlings at their side, most even being as brazen as to hand the thing to the kid as soon as it's complete. I've seen parents argue with the staff in these shops, when they point out that the game might not be suitable for their children. I've heard many a reply to this, including the immortal one, “Oh nonsense, it's just a game.” Yet when their little pride and joys go out and start carjacking and killing people, the parent's are surprisingly quick to point the finger of blame. I'm sick of it, it's high time these irresponsible morons started taking an interest in what their kids are doing, rather than expecting everyone else to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong. There's a simple answer to the parent's buying adult games for children and ignoring the warnings issue, slap a fine on them for trying. Start cutting into their Stella and fags budget and then I'm sure they'll start to notice, and leave the rest of us supposedly well adjusted adult gamers in peace!
And to think ... I actually predicted this years ago with one of our classified adverts!
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