To the young man that hit my car last night,
Thank you so much for reversing your Audi A4 into the front of my car last night at great speed and subsequently causing enough damage to write it off. Regular readers of my website and listeners to our podcast will no doubt be aware of my great admiration of the true cunts that exist in our society, and I am always truly honoured to meet one face to face. So I just wanted to say thanks for the damage, thanks for the false details, thanks to your arse of a friend that drove off whilst I got your false details, and thank you from legging it away and leaving my girlfriend standing around like a plum whilst I moved my now wrecked vehicle out of further harms way. It was truly an enlightening experience to meet such a couple of cunts as yourselves, and rest assured you shall now be the benchmark against which I measure all idiots, arseholes, morons and fucktards against in future. We must do it again sometime, possibly with my foot on your throat.

All the best,
Markus M.

P.S I did get your number plate. Let’s hope for your sake that my instincts are correct and you don’t actually own the car.